Roz Kaveney (rozk) wrote,
Roz Kaveney

More Sex Accidents Please

After having my recent collapse into helpless Grey's adoration, I find myself thinking about the importance to that show of Drunken Sex Accidents (tm) and the need for more of them there and in almost every show and film I can think of. The thing about Grey's is that it has almost run out of heterosexual Drunken Sex Accidents to have, unless people who are not Addison or Izzie sleep with Alex, which would be wrong.

One of the many reasons for hoping for a Democrat victory in the election next year is that we can get on with pursuing the Queer Agenda on television without fear of comebacks. And the Drunken Sex Accident du jour can be Meredith and Cristina, as shortly to be featured in fic by jennyo, pretty please.

I mean, Meredith and Cristina are so obviously going at some point to go 'why are we dating these skeezy older men who are douchenozzles, when we sleep together whenever we are depressed anyway?' Here are two very attractive women, totally into each other emotionally, who regularly collapse into the same bed whenever their men do them wrong. They even have the classic lesbian dodgy chemistry of one of them being rather too much like the other's mother

They are clearly heading for a Drunken Sex Accident.

Can you think of a show that would not be improved by regular DSAs, straight and gay?

I am prompted to this by watching the bizarrely terrible Black Dahlia a movie all about how Josh Harnett and Aaron Eckhart really really want to frak, but they are in a movie directed by Brian de Palma from a book by James Ellroy, so they can't. And hit each other a lot instead, and angst about virtuous ex-whore Scarlet J, and evil bisexual rich bitch Hilary Swank, and dead Mia Kirshner instead. It is a movie in which evil bisexual women dress in boydrag and Kill Your Boyfriend NOES!!!, so you have to shoot them dead. All it needs is Frank Miller.

Oddly, I guessed important parts of the plot early on because I recognized Lon Chaney in a film they were watching, guessed which film it was -The Man Who Laughed - from the period even though they faded out the money shot, and worked out the significance of the Dahlia's facial mutilations.

Also, what was Fiona Shaw doing in that movie? Why does she ever make movies? Why is she allowed to make movies? If you don't know her work, the evil fostermother in the Potter things is about the least bad performance she has given on film. Her acting in Dahlia is Lesbian Vampires of Sodom camp bad, even worse than her saurian villainess in Super Mario Bros.

And yet, on stage, she is a great classical actress whom I have seen perform Rosalind and Richard The Second, and do a one woman show of The Waste Land. I guess she does movies for the money, but she really should not.

And the whole film would have been so much better had they got rid of the silly murder mystery and given it More Drunken Sex Accidents.

No frustrated boys hitting each other; satisfied boys hitting on each other instead. Much less tedious and probably even more sweaty.

And, it goes without saying, far less space for Ellroy/dePalma patented misogynistic crap.

Oh, and here is a beef, why, when straight couples go at it franticly in films, does the guy always get to screw the woman on a table off which he has just thrown everything? Does not a gentleman go underneath on the hard surface, providing her with something unpainful to lie on? And who has to clear up afterwards? You just know that he does not pick up the broken plates, spoiled food, stained table cloth.

So there is another point - no DSAs without Better Sex Manners, a new rule.
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