September 26th, 2010



Alfenus, you neglect and cheat your friends;
I needed help - you shunned me - I'd been good
to you, who have betrayed me. Heaven should
bring all fair-weather friends to sticky ends

And will. In what friends can men place their trust
when I have trusted you, who told me that
you were my loving friend? You dumped me flat
when I was wretched, who once said I must

rely on you above all else. You may
treat oaths as clouds the winds break up, erase
me from your mind and never leave a trace.
The gods remember broken trust. One day

Good Faith herself will rattle at your door
and it's with her you'll settle up the score.


Sweetest Ipsitilla, I'd really love
to come round after lunch, if that's OK,
You're sweet enough to be dessert. I'll say
such pretty things to you. So please remove

all other punters from your client book.
I really won't be happy if your door
is bolted when I get there. Please be sure
you don't go street-walking that day. I'll look

for you. Stay in and do your nails and hair,
and dress up in your very nicest things.
I'll fuck you nine times. When your door-bell rings,
it will be me, so you'd better prepare

for shagging. Through my shirt and through my cloak,
you'll see my well-stuffed bloated pricklet poke.


The biggest pests the baths have ever seen,
Vibennus is a thief. His son's a queen.
One's sticky fingers sneak into your bag,
the other's always asking for a shag.

Why don't you just fuck off and go to hell?
you with that hairy arse, which you can't sell
and you his thieving father. We all know
you steal, he sucks. Don't hang around. Just go.