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Silence Exile and Crumpets
 
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Monday, January 9th, 2012

Time Event
12:13a
Perspective

The past is mirrors, row on row at slants
I walk upon the spot, hour after year,
and what will spark a smile, provoke a tear
is the half-sight, for seconds, in a glance

of my own younger face, and what I knew
or thought how much a mess my life would be.
And most of them are turned to misery
a few to crazy, can't believe it true

that I got through. Muddle, and drink, and pain
became the shining ink with which I write.
Wasted days moaning, lay awake at night.
Depression, wasted time, has turned to gain

I see those gloomy faces and I laugh
Life took so much, gave back all and a half.
12:48a
Loving Despair

Despair, sweet mistress, could not be my muse
but kept me company until she came back.
Whipped me with self-contempt – I heard ribs crack
as she trod down my breasts with iron shoes.

I could not sing of failure had I won
or know deep beauty without good looks' loss.
Threw dice - Despair had rigged my every toss.
laughed at my empty purse, she thought it fun.

She promised much but proved to be a liar
I bit my tongue in pain when my ribs broke
I bled a while, tongue swollen. Then I spoke
new stronger verse. My muse and I conspire

laugh last at my sad love, left bleeding where
I tore out verses when I screwed Despair.
1:09a
One of my occasional poems about being trans
Transition


Boys eyes the glass where I could check my face
was on straight. And their pricks the long straight rule
to test my curves. I did not think to fool
and yet, finding myself in this new place,

I needed milestones. Found them in each bed
and then moved on. Then fate made me her bitch
my tight dress tore with fat, stitch after stitch,
in months I counted by each turning head

that turned away from me. Now I am wise
The love of women won by kindness, wit
and teasing's better than the useless shit
who fucks and leaves. Imagine my surprise

who learned from five short years, a surgeon's knife
lessons so cheap, they might have cost my life

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