The real condescension would have been not to engage or only to say what people wanted to hear. I spent this afternoon writing a long post about all of this, but I will keep it to myself for the time being because maybe it would be no more helpful than my last one.
All I will say is this - If any disagreements I might have with any POC or any white ally (other than myself) about what is and what is not appropriate material for discussion result in someone deciding that I am being racist, then respectful discussion and disagreement become too much of a burden for me to continue with them. And I have a great deal of respect for many people I disagree with, except of course when, as sometimes happens, they say things that I consider ageist or sexist.
My apologies to people who have found some of what I have said useful at not going on with this.