Roz Kaveney (rozk) wrote,
Roz Kaveney
rozk

Against Pride

I promised cillygirl that I would not let today pass without its poem, even if I got in late, so I managed a draft on the bus and spend the last hour or so working on it. Sometime soon, I must start the next critical book, and do more work on the novel - now I know that it was all Newton's fault.

Right now, though, yet another section of Ashes.
All of them
Sooner or later
came to hate me.

For short whiles
they fucked her
whipped her
or were whipped
Bit scratched.
I would always
meet her for tea
spend nights in her bed
or she in mine
nights she was not with them
sometimes we'd kiss
or fuck
more often not.
I dried her tears
when they left her
or if she left them first
I made her scrambled eggs
the way she wanted them
soft, with black pepper.
would tell her where her contact lenses were
even in flats I'd never been in.

I stayed.
Fuck pride.
True love
muse
whatever.
stay and smile and listen.

So I knew
Eve fucking her
Was like folding sheets
efficient, regular and clean
and over
when it was done.
Rose drooled
or cried
if she went down on her
and moaned too loud.
Anna
Had a wrist action like tennis
never learned to use a cat
was useless with ice
and candles.
Tasted sweet, but chewed her toenails.

She lied once
said how needy
how sad.
And so
I didn't ring
did not go round.
In days,
she was there
stray, on my balcony.
Never rang
ever again
so she rang me.
nothing else changed.
for years.

I understood
just why they hated me
and basked
in hatred.
Not having her
but knowing her
they had their weeks or months
I got years.

And, as i say, fuck pride.
Tags: poetry ashleigh desire
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