'The Bill' is an odd combination of police procedural and soap opera which went slightly mad a couple of years ago when one of the regular characters PC Des Tavener - played by an actor who used to be a villain on another soap - set fire to the police station, unintentionally killing several of his colleagues. More recently, Tavener faked his own death in a car crash, nearly killing his only remaining friend in the process, and disappeared, leaving desk Sergeant Sheila pregnant with his child and her marriage in ruins.
The previous Superintendent was a sociopath with a history that included rape at the police college - a fact discovered by head of CID Meadows and his loyal acolyte DC Micky. He eventually committed suicide at his desk after taking his wife and victim DC Debbie MacAllister hostage while she was giving premature birth to his child. More recently Debbie slept with her colleague Juliet, but only realized her stony little heart was in love after Juliet was stabbed and died.
Both Debbie and Juliet were sleeping with Phil Hunter, the corrupt Detective Sergeant who has chemistry with almost every woman and man on the show. He gets into weird dominance relationships with every other man, especially pretty ones. PC Nick Klein ended up addicted to drugs as a result of Phil's head games and has taken revenge by destroying Phil's marriage. Last night Phil beat him up in a toilet, gagging him with a towel.
The great love of Phil's life was of course evil paedophile gangster Ron Gregory - you would not believe the chemistry those two had.
Probably the hottest femslash chemistry was Phil's nemesis Samantha Nixon and a woman serial killer whose story ran for months - she was killing off all women her brother and partner in incest showed an interest in and of course the profilers, being limited by the likely, never got close to her. Samantha worked it out and got taken hostage - another intense bubble episode...
There was the gay sergeant who finally slept with a young constable on the eve of the other man's marriage. Gina Gold covered for them, but it came out in the end; Gina Gold is the never quite explicitly lesbian desk Inspector whose sexual past does include the highly political black Superintendent Adam, but who takes an interest in her proteges and had an incredibly moving moment when she brushed the hair from the forehead of the dead Juliet.
Above all, there is psychotic Cathy Bradford. Cathy has just been demoted for inadequate people skills - reducing a rape victim, who OK was also a murderess, to hysterical sobs. None of her colleagues have noticed that Cathy is 1) a mythomane whose claims to be pregnant, widowed and HIV positive are lies 2) a sufferer from de Clerambault's syndrome whose obsession with colleague Brandon has led to her murdering his lesbian ex-wife and to her framing the ex-wife's lover for dangerous driving 3) a crazy person who smashes up washrooms in tantrums and who beat up a woman doctor who complained when Cathy framed her, and beat up herself to frame desk clerk Robbie who got too close to the truth about her. They have sort of noticed that Cathy testified against her best friend Polly in Polly's trial for murdering a friend whose suicide she assisted - they still think Polly was lying when she says Cathy collected her from the death scene and told her to cover up her involvement. Now, believing that Brandon is seeing young Honey, Cathy has set fire to his house with Honey and Brandon's young children inside it.
She sat outside the fire fixing the flames with her death-ray glare, one of her three expressions - the other being a poor me, I'm so hard done by, whingeface and a rather sinister smirk. She is the best crazy villain in The Bill, a show which also had the mad Superintendent, Des Tavener, Phil Gregory and the serial killeress - she is the best.
Ultimately, though, The Bill is just the gayest and independently of this the slashiest show on British TV. It would almost be redundant to write fanfic for it, though its crossover potential is vast.
And the interesting question has to be 'what does the Queen make of all this?' The concept of the Queen sitting around with her husband discussing the slashability of Phil Hunter or Sam Nixon is a deeply disturbing one.